The Journey Toward My First Graphic Novel - PART 2: FEAR AND KIARA KELLY

Star Wielder concept art of Kiara Kelly

Im scared, y’all.

With so much happening in this changing world, there’s a lot  to be anxious over. Almost everyday, one can’t help but ponder one of the most significant and detrimental questions that can lead to an uncertain or even destructive path. A question that dares to challenge humanity both individually and collectively. A question with potential to inspire a bright future or unlimited despair:  What if?

And with Trump’s recent presidential victory, rising racial and economic tensions,  it’s easy to succumb to the overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, leading me to ponder such questions as:

What if I or my loved ones lose our rights?

What if my loved ones are harmed due to the escalating socio-political climate?

What if I lose my healthcare?

What if I become homeless?

Obviously, these are very valid concerns considering America’s changing federal landscape. And with other crisis happening around the world such as environmental devastation, genocide and the rising tide of capitalist and corporate greed, I can’t help but wonder, as someone who wants to help save the world, what my place is in all of this.  How can I use my voice, as singular as it may be, to inspire change in my community and possibly beyond?

Because I believe we should all do our part to help make the world a better place.  Helping to heal and nurture the lives and places around us. Standing in solidarity with the oppressed. Being kind to our neighbors. Always being willing to extend a helping hand to those in need. But also, making art and powerful stories about the human experience. Because art not only provides clarity on our present, often as a reflection of our repeated turbulent history, it can also inspire hope for all the amazing things we can be. Stories can teach us how to turn our fear into power.

Which is exactly the theme of my graphic novel, Star Wielder.

And yet, as I struggle to complete the art for only the fifth page  of my 100+ page story, feeling anxious and afraid of what’s happening in the world around me, another challenge ensues. Another “what if” question, that seems to obstruct me from enjoying this journey: What if I fail?

So instead of leaning into the cognitive distortions and catastrophizing, I’ve decided to use this as an opportunity for growth and finding solutions, by having a chat with one of the coolest and kindest kids I know and the 14-year-old main character of Star Wielder, Kiara Kelly.

Kiara, like her grandmother, Roxy Mae Freeman has a heart for helping others. But when she’s not trying to save her community, she’s still just a regular kid with so much potential. That said, I’m honored to introduce yet another amazing and radiant Black child.

JAY: Hey, Kiara! Thank you for taking the time to chat with me today.

KIARA: Hey, Mr. Hero! No problem, thank you for inviting me. Always nice to talk to you.

JAY: Likewise. So, before we get into it, how about you do a brief introduction. Tell the world, who is Kiara Kelly?

KIARA: It’s funny you ask that ‘cause my Gram  always says, “Who you are is who you are becoming.” So, I mean, Im still trying to figure who I’m becoming. But I know I’ve always wanted to be like her, my Gram. Helping people in the city and all that.

JAY: The city as in Detroit?

KIARA:  Yeah, I’m from the west side.

JAY: Aye! Me, too actually. Until my family moved when I was about 11.

KIARA: That was in the 1900s , right?

JAY: Oh, and you’re funny, too, huh? (Laughs) It was actually in the early 2000s. What other things don’t I know about you that you’d like to share? Like, maybe, your favorite musician and why is it Whitney Houston?

KIARA: Who is that?

JAY: Girl, don’t…

KIARA: I’m just playing. I love Whitney. Everybody always says I got an “old soul”  ‘cause I love older music, like from the 90s and 2000s. But Toni Braxton is my favorite.

JAY: I see you! I’m actually kind of surprised because not many kids your age really care for Toni Braxton or even Whitney as much as mine or older generations do. One of my little cousins actually loves Toni, too. But anyways, I think we have enough for now.  Think you’re ready to get into the tougher questions and topic?

KIARA: Sure.

JAY: Let’s do it. I  have three main questions for you today on the topic of fear. Which is something we’ve kinda of discussed before. So feel free to repeat anything here, if needed. But don’t feel pressured into sharing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or triggered, ok?

KIARA:  Ok, bet. Thank you.

JAY:  Of course. The first question: How do you face your fears and keep moving forward, even when you're scared?

KIARA: Honestly, I’m still learning how to do that.  But I think the best answer is maybe one step at a time. That’s what Gram and my therapist told me. I’m actually scared of a lot of things, like slugs…because why are you so slimy? Also, anyone who likes pineapples on pizza should be put on a watchlist.

JAY: I feel attacked right now.

KIARA: You too? That’s crazy. (laughs) My Gram loves Hawaiin pizza but she’s the only person I’ll make an exception for. But for real, I don’t know if I told you, but I have something called pyrophobia. It means that I’m, like, really, really scared of fire.

JAY: Thank you for sharing that and yes, you’ve mentioned it briefly before. I’d  also like to say even speaking on it is an example of you facing your fears, that takes a lot of courage, Kiara. Just thought I’d point that out. That said, are you comfortable sharing more about it and the challenges it causes in your life?

KIARA: I don’t want to go into too much detail right now. But when I was younger, I was in a house fire and ever since I get panic attacks even at the slightest sight of a flame. At first it was really hard to deal with, and it still is, to be honest. But it helps when you have people around who care about you and want to help. So I guess to completely answer your question, the best way I face my fears is by being patient with my myself and not facing my fears alone.

JAY: That’s a powerful answer. I always tell people that we aren’t meant to be alone and that we thrive in community. You agree?

KIARA: Detroit is my home and my family, and I would not be who I am without my village. So yeah, I do.

JAY: Love it. You now, you seem like the kind of kid who has high expectations for herself. Especially since you want to follow in your grandmother’s big footsteps. Roxy is a great person and I can already see so much of her in you. Which leads me to my next question: How do you deal with the weight of your own expectations and self-doubt?

KIARA: I struggle a lot with that. I’m always beating myself up because I feel Gram sets the bar  so high and I should be able to rise to the occasion. Like her. She’s the kind of person who would give all she had to anyone struggling. But I will never forget the day she told me that “her strength came at a cost” and that she wanted me to find my own source of power or something like that . I think was 11 at the time, so obviously I didn’t completely understand. But I think I’m starting to see what she means now, especially after the fire.

JAY: Can you elaborate on that? What do you think she means?

KIARA: Well, Gram is pretty transparent about her story. She lost her daughter to police violence  during the 1967 Detroit Uprising and she’s been through a lot ever since rebuilding and uniting Detroit. She’s done so much for so many people here: created jobs, build a community center with and a (magic) park that provides free resources including locally grown food, books, shelter and programs to the community. People love her. I love her. But I just hate that the city she’s pouring so much into took something precious away from her.

JAY: That’s beautiful, Kiara. And really speaks a lot to who you are and your community. I’ve spoken with Roxy before and I agree, her story is inspiring. And you’re right, the world often demands so much from Black women and girls like you. But I’d also like to say I’m glad people like you and your grandmother exist. Because in a world full of fear we need people who’d be willing to challenge it. Rise against it.

KIARA: You’d like my best friend Mars. He’s like me, wanting to help people, too.

JAY: Oh, I know Mars. I actually might have to have a chat with him, too. That said, I wanted to close out with a final question: What advice would you give to someone who feels stuck or afraid to fail?

KIARA:  I remember in one of my therapy sessions at the [community] center, she told me the best way to get over something is to go through it. So I guess if you feel blocked or afraid of failing, fail anyway and try again. I don’t think I’ll ever not be pyropbohic. And I kind of feel silly because it’s such a rare disease and there’s not many people to talk to about it who can relate. But it has definitely taught me a lot about facing my fears even when I’m still afraid.

JAY:  Sounds like something one of my uncles used to tell me. You definitely do have an old soul, Kiara. Wise beyond your years, even. But I suppose that’s the thing about trauma, while it’s painful, if we can find the strength within ourselves to get through it, it can be a lesson and an opportunity to turn our fears into power. Thank you so much for joining me in this chat today, Kiara. It’s always a pleasure. I'm certain this won't be the last time.

You can learn more about Kiara and Star Wielder here.